Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
