you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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