the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
