R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
