I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
