My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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