like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
