i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
