No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
