There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
