He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
