I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
