Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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