the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize