youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
