She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
