Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
