Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
