this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
