i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
