I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
