So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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