I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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