And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
