I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
