My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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