i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
