i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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