I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
