My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
