You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
