these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
