If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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