i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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