hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
