Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
