My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
