So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
