i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
