We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I enjoy the company of your penis
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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