Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
