every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
