Banned from zoo.
Again?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
