you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
