So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
handjob tips. give me some.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
