3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
