Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
