meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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