he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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