Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
