Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
