I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
