standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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