You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
