I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
