Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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