I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
