Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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