we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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