I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
