I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
