GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
