If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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