wanna go halves on a baby?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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