is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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