He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
home. puking in laundry basket.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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