marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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