Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
