and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
