Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
