You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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