So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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