the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
