JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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