I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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